You won’t believe the terrible day I’ve had! Vile human children broke into my property, I was robbed and to make it worse, I bumped my head.

I woke up this morning, already in a bad mood. Being a giant isn’t as easy as it seems; I can never find a bed large enough to fit my incredible height and when my arms and legs have been sprawling over the sides all night long, it’s painful! My wife said I’d got up on the wrong side of bed. Easy for her to say when she’s only 8 foot 1 – tiny!

Later that morning, I was going to have my scrumptious golden eggs, which are rich in protein – great for my workouts so I’m ready to crush children. Soon though, I must have fallen asleep as I was so tired from the night. A little nap never hurts.

I was WRONG! The honking of my precious goose woke me from my slumber and before my eyes was a small figure running around on the table. I thought a little bit of human bacon with my eggs would be nice. TASTY! This tiny human bean was trying to interrupt my breakfast so I decided to intimidate him.

FEE FI FO FUM, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISH MAN

Whilst I was chanting, the wretched thief grabbed my goose and bolted for the door. I gave chase but this miniature creature was quite agile for his size. By the time I reached him, he was halfway down the stem of a plant. I thought I had the upper hand but it turns out I didn’t.